Rachel and the Unconventional Life

WhyRUU? isn't just a show—it's a place for a particular online community to learn about each other. From her tiny Tokyo apartment, Terri brings you weekly conversations with folks in the community about what makes us uniquely ourselves.
And, we have celebrations of wins that matter.

Video Edited/Audio Engineered by: Nancy Kwamboka
Music by mobygratis

Video Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@tokyoterri/podcasts
Audio Podcast: https://whyruu.buzzsprout.com

Transcript

Terri: 0:00

Hey, why are you you? In this episode, I'm speaking with Rachel, otherwise known as Carly Jheyheyhey. You have such a good way of, from what I can tell looking at your chat, of seeing both sides, but being firmly in the progressive direction.

Rachel: 0:30

I feel the way that I was raised was so unique. I literally can stand in a room with probably a million people and not be able to point at a single other person that had my upbringing or even close to it. And I think that really makes me, and I'm really fortunate to have had been able to see all of of the things I saw at such a young age, being raised by a lesbian in the 80s. My mom withdrew a lot to get me and my sister to have us as far as kidnapping us. We were used as pawns. It was like a really terrible battle. In the end, everything worked out. We ended up with my mom in the end, but she's very liberal. She's very outgoing. We used to joke and call her Head lesbian of Butte. If you wanted to be in the community here, you had to go through Darlene first.

Terri: 1:31

Head lesbian of Butte. I love that. Get that woman a crown. I like that.

Rachel: 1:36

Exactly. And so it's weird to me when I meet somebody and they struggle with the LGBTQ plus community because I've always had it in my life. It's never not been a part of my life. That makes... That's a huge part of why I am who I am. I am an advocate. I want to cheer for everybody and I want to hold a sign for everybody. I want to march for everybody. I want to be the person. I'm the mom who's going to hug the people whose moms won't hug them. I want to be there for you if you're in the hospital and you need somebody standing there for you or with you. I just... That's how I was raised.

Terri: 2:23

That's fantastic. What a story. But one question comes to mind. And by the way, share only what you're comfortable with. But do you feel that folks stand for you? Who is the you for you? Do you have a you for you? My

Rachel: 2:40

mom, 100%. Fantastic. Always. I do. I think my daughters, I've raised them to be just the same. They're probably louder. which I don't know how that happened. I have a granddaughter who's due any day and I'm like, oh, I don't know if the world's ready

Terri: 2:58

for this. Oh, wow. That's wonderful. You're going to get congratulated in our little community.

Rachel: 3:05

Oh, that'll be awesome. And I don't ever expect anybody to, but I'm so excited. I just, but then again, we're bringing another female into the world. Yes. And so I have reservations about what her future is gonna hold and what she can do for our future,

Terri: 3:28

both. That's really important. And this is yet another illustration of why I really like your voice, the way you express yourself, because both of those things are important. What's gonna happen with her and for her and how she's gonna happen to others. And I think people have a tendency maybe to forget the second part.

Rachel: 3:52

We all can't just sit in our victim and continue to wear it. We can't. And if I can't do anything, then let me teach somebody else to do that. Or let me open a pathway. Even if I don't have the knowledge, let somebody else know that they are equipped and they're strong enough and they can do this and they can go and get that knowledge and take that power and that's i think the most important thing right now is we're such a scared society and nobody wants to stand up and own that power nobody wants to i had a conversation with a co-worker today and it's just and that's all that we the conclusion that everything just kept coming back to is just Why is everybody so scared? What is so scary about the current administration that we can't stand up to them as a whole and take this back? I just, I'm not, there's a couple of bullies out there. One bully on the school park or on the playground, everybody's scared. But that one bully, everybody gangs up and that bully's nothing. And I think that's kind of, I hate to put it in grade school terms. Why not? We're dealing with a bunch of non-matured kids. Absolutely. And I just really want us all to feel more comfortable in standing up and owning our power.

Terri: 5:32

So good. I want to ask you something, actually. It's a little off script, but let's see. So I'm contemplating I'm very active in our community, but also in trying to change things back home in the States because I got the distance privilege and I may as well try to use it. But I'm contemplating therapy. And I wonder if you don't mind sharing, have you had any experience, any tips you can give me about the experience or so?

Rachel: 6:04

Therapy.

Terri: 6:08

Oh, that was heavy.

Rachel: 6:09

It is heavy. I've been in therapy off and on my whole life. The whole thing in that when I was a kid, we had to be in therapy, my sister and I, for court purposes. But my mom really believes in that. Part of why I am who I am, my mom didn't, she stopped going, taking me to therapy, started taking me to mediums. So the therapy that I seek these days, and this is personal choice, but that I seek these days is more of a spiritual. I prefer sound baths and meditation, breath work. Those are where I can find therapy.

Terri: 6:56

I'm curious because I've never really had the experience on any long-term basis. And I was just wondering, somebody with your background, What would you? Have

Rachel: 7:08

you been to a sound bath or any kind of?

Terri: 7:12

Only seen them online. There's something in Japan that has a little bit potentially of the same kind of resonance, which is, and I don't do it regularly, but in the temples, various temples here, bells are used quite a bit. And I know I always feel my shoulders, which are usually like this, go down. And I have a singing bowl, but it's very dusty because I don't use it. I'm not very consistent about anything that's good for me. I'm not either. Really? What's wrong with us anyway? I don't know.

Rachel: 7:54

It's because I've I take care of other people and I don't take care of myself.

Terri: 7:59

You got to take care of yourself and you got to not listen to me. Don't do as I do as I say do.

Rachel: 8:07

It's true, though. I should probably be in therapy consistently once a week. I should. I know this about myself. I also don't want to own my bullshit. I don't want to do it. I'm not there yet. Don't want to do

Terri: 8:24

it. And that's a-okay. Because, you know, it's easy for someone outside of us to look at whatever our behavior is and make assessments. But nobody lives inside of you. So how can someone really make accurate assessments without living with it, being there all the time and talking it through. And I think it's fine if you don't want to do it. You have experience and you're doing it in a different way. You still are looking at the spiritual, the need for some kind of food in that area. I think that's absolutely fine.

Rachel: 9:05

I'll come out of any of the spiritual experiences that I've chosen because there's different ones. Depends on what's being offered at the time.

Terri: 9:13

Right.

Rachel: 9:14

And I'll feel lighter. I'll feel like my head is clearer. I come out of therapy and I'm heavy and I'm wet from tears and snot. And I've talked about things that I would prefer to just not talk about. And at the sound bath, I'm laying there in silence and I'm in my moment and it's just so much more peaceful. It's how do I want to feel after? And so my, I guess my advice for you is how do you want to feel after you've had whatever therapy session you have chose to have?

Terri: 9:55

That's a really good point. I wasn't thinking of that at all. I was just mainly thinking it's because my psychiatrist who prescribes the drugs said, given that this has been problematic for years, he made the suggestion it might be a good idea to do some talk therapy. Here is my question to you then, given everything you've told me. Do you feel that that type of healing meaning knowing what works for you based on what you want to feel after isn't that at some level analogous to what our whole american culture kind of needs to go through because that's what hit me we don't want to do the work and when i say we I mean, I mainly mean the white mainstream to start, because that's the group, that's the biggest group of people. It's not like the Black American community has everything's footloose and fancy free either. We need to go as a culture through serious snot and tears and all that. And then somebody needs to bring the healing bath, the sound bath. But I worry about whether we can get enough people to acknowledge the need. What's your thought about that? I

Rachel: 11:17

don't think we're ever going to have that solid collective that we hope for. I just don't think that it's ever going to happen. And that breaks my heart and it hurts my soul at the same time. I just don't think we are so divided and we have been being divided by all the parties. I'm not just going to say Democrats and Republicans. Let's get real here. They're Several different parties out there. And they're all going to strike some kind of division. Not everybody's going to agree with everything all the time. And that's just that natural divide. And I just, I could hope for it. I know that only 75 million and 74 million or whatever votes were counted. You know what I mean? Not even half the country came out to the polls. I don't know how to even get that other half of the country to care. How do you care? How do you get someone to care? I put out on Facebook all the time in my little town. We have about 35,000 people here. Every voting day, I will give rides. I'll call off. I will leave work just to give rides to the voting booth. I don't care who you vote for. I do. But I don't care who will take you to the voting booth. I took my daughter, my oldest daughter, her friend, my middle daughter. my youngest daughter, her friend, even though they couldn't vote. And I took them all. And I said, you're coming with me. We all wore white, voted for Hillary. It was great. It's those are the things that I wish were more important to other families. Like voting to me is a rite of passage in my family. I think it's great. I'm very proud to wear my I voted sticker.

Terri: 13:03

Yes, same.

Rachel: 13:04

But there's other there's families that Like my spouse, we've been together for 18 years off and on. We like to play games when we get bored. And his family's not that family. They don't care about voting. It's not an issue to them. Government politics, non-issue. I had to explain to him the other day about how 50 years ago I couldn't have a credit card. How I am a unicorn because I've never been married. My name matches my birth certificate. I'm a unicorn. There's not a lot of women my age that can say that. It's very true. So I think if more families, if we were taught, I don't remember learning about voting in school. Do you?

Terri: 13:50

Yeah, but remember, I went to school probably the decade before you, and I went to public school. And it wasn't that it was pushed, but also growing up in the Black community, my parents took me to the big school schools. with the big kachung machines that it was a not a holiday exactly but it was a civic duty and there was a civic duty

Rachel: 14:12

yeah but i also feel your generation it was more important and the country was more together when it came i guarantee you not less than half the country voted in your generation more people came out to vote i think it was more important

Terri: 14:28

It's worth the research for sure. And actually, I might just do that. But I'm 67. And I remember from elementary school, young elementary school on, just being aware that, okay, this is a time when we go and vote and blah, blah, blah. However, I must say. that I stopped voting when I was in my mid-20s. I was living in a financial commune for quite a while in the East Village. And their view was extreme left to the point where it makes no difference. Everybody's the same. All the parties are the same, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And so... I went along with it. And now I wish I hadn't, to be honest. I didn't actually start getting active again until I moved here 28 years ago. And I ended up writing a book about George W. Bush's malapropisms to try to like, when he says these crazy things, this is what he really means. And this is the actual history of just ridiculous stuff. And I was so on fire thinking as an American, I have this awesome responsibility because I have the ability to vote and what nonsense we do it goes everywhere we get a cold everybody else gets tuberculosis so presumably i have a responsibility and so i really started finally picking up the ball but anyway i really love i both am upset to hear that you think we'll never get there But I love the fact that you still do the actions. You still take the action.

Rachel: 16:03

Oh, absolutely. Whether I think that we will never get there or not. And if we do are two different things. I'm seeing things through smoky colored glasses, not through rose colored glasses right now. Like they're very blurry and smudged up because I cannot see our way out of this right now. I can't. The Unfuck America tour. Did you see?

Terri: 16:27

I don't know what's going on. I'm seeing so many different

Rachel: 16:33

pieces. If we can't get together, if one group of our future, because they're all 20-year-olds.

Terri1: 16:41

They're all 20-year-olds, yeah.

Rachel: 16:43

If our future can't get together for a day and not fight, I don't understand what's going on with it. I was so proud of that. the two i was like you go you kids you get out there all of you guys santana all of it i think santana was the oldest that's why i had to say his name

Terri: 17:02

yeah and he's a very mature young man so

Rachel: 17:05

yeah i don't see him involving himself like it all just so devolved i don't know people to listen to us we cannot continue these bickering stupid little picky fights.

Terri1: 17:20

We can't. And I think... School yard will be all ready. Exactly. School yard. That's what you said. It's just... Not in opposition to what you're saying, but to add to what you're saying, this is why when the younger folks castigate the Democratic Party and I, as a... I'm a dem. I am a dem. I'm a progressive pragmatist, more than anything. But... okay, the Democratic Party is terrible, fine. You go and make something of yourself. And this is, what I want to say to them is, this is the Democratic Party too. This is what they're, how do I put it? What they are suffering from are the same things that the Dems suffer from, which is that there's this weird lack of a cohesive narrative that everybody puts down their swords and everybody gets behind. Now in the evangelicals and the Republicans who take advantage of them, it's the church, right? I think that's accurate. Does that sound accurate?

Rachel: 18:36

That makes absolute sense. We, and I never really thought of it like that. They have that sticky, icky, churchy glue that's holding them all together. Exactly. And what do we have? We don't have anything. We don't have our shield to hide behind. No. We're all out there individually with our Care Bear stairs. Yes. Just trying to get this, the world back straight. Yes. Still, we're all individuals. We are not a collective.

Terri: 19:04

Yes.

Rachel: 19:05

A screwed up thing is the maggots are. They are solid.

Terri: 19:11

They say the same things. They repeat the same nonsense. When GT has them on, it's obvious. It's evidence. They're all saying the same thing. You go to Santana's, same thing. In real life, same thing. I'm not saying drink the Kool-Aid because I think that's a terrible story, but that glue does not merge our disparate groups. So I think so I'm going to make my first YouTube post and I'm going to put parts of it on TikTok today. And there's two people that I'm going to highlight that are talking about the need for when I say white supremacy, people of every color who have this problem, who have this thinking, how it managed to destroy even the British, the original British pagans. I mean, that thinking destroyed their culture too. And the Irish, and this is, this poison is, hurts every, actually. It

Rachel: 20:23

does. And it digs so deep into their being. It's ingrained in them. And they all have the same talking points. Yes. Yes. But then they come back and they're like, you guys all have the same talking points too. And it's like, what we do, they're the same answers to the same stupid things that you continue to say. We can't answer differently every time because

Terri: 20:46

we're telling the truth of what reality is. And

Rachel: 20:49

that's the thing is there's such a huge truth and lie, truth and lie. And I don't know who wrote it. It's just a short little poem, The Truth and the Lie. When the truth meets the lie, you can Google it. It's very powerful, I think. Every time I come across it, I read it and I'm just like, man, that's just dead on. And it's just so sad today that lies are what fuels America right now. I saw the shipping ports up in Seattle. I'm from Seattle. I lived up in Ketchikan, Alaska for a very long time.

Terri: 21:26

Wow.

Rachel: 21:27

No shipping, no cargo. Are you kidding me? What's happening here? I ordered some pants last week. I'm like, am I going to get them? Now, where are we at right now? They're pulling all major. We don't have anywhere to shop in my town. We have Walmart. They pull everything. And they're like, so I feel like corporate America is eating everything. So then we will be stuck with this oligarchy, right? And we're not going to have any other choices. There's that movie, what is it, The Fifth Element or whatever, Taco Bell's like the massive restaurant. And we're all like, Taco Bell? Yeah, I get it now. I get it. Are we all going to shop at Walmart in the future and that's going to be the only store left? Because everything, I just...

Terri: 22:13

It's all one world, one world shopping. I choose to, I agree with you in everything you're saying, but I also choose... I choose serendipity. It is a choice. I may be completely deluded, but I choose to believe that just like I could never have predicted the good part of the internet, because everybody's, oh, it's terrible, but the internet is why we're able to do this podcast. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So how do we pinpoint the stuff that works and get... Our disparate, fighting, intelligent, the care bears, single care bears, how do we get the care bears? We who are women, I will go so far as to say, older women are women of wisdom. And they don't necessarily want to listen to us, but I think they're going to get desperate. And I don't want them to be desperate. I want even the magas to be okay and have healthcare and all that stuff because a healthy society is a better society to live in. It's completely selfish. I don't want to live in a society where people are in wretched shape because that harshes my mellow. I would prefer to live in a society where the basics are all taken care of at whatever reasonable level there is. People want to do more? Sure. But there's no hungry kids. There's no hungry elders. Of course I want to live in that society. I want to be left alone. And I want to do what I want to do. I'm a profoundly selfish person. And so given that, I want everybody else to be fine. I don't have to worry about

Rachel: 24:05

that. I think you're right on. I do. I think you're right. We've had enough of the older men. we've seen what can happen given it our shot for 200 and how many years now

Terri: 24:16

oh more than that more than that okay kids you guys sit back relax yep and let us fix what you've screwed up and then watch and learn and that's going to be hard for a lot of them watch and learn yeah Yep. 

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